In the beginning of January I had a hard time dealing with office, works and myself. I found my self burn out when the storm hit the office. I run to my dear girl friend, Deby, and spent days at her place. Everytime I came home I start to cry loud out. I hate every inch of the house, I hate every inch of office that reminds me to the hurts feeling.
Deby accompany me thru this periode. She is such an easy going person. While I cry and complaining about my situation, she keep laughing at me. It seems that the situation gives advantages for her. I never have time for her because of my works, but in this situation I will spent most of my time with her. She reminds me to my plan about Yoga and Meditation, which I always passionated about. I always wants to go to Nepal or Tibet, but Bali will be okay too. In this situation I will have more time to do it. With her, I decided to fly to Bali and spent some time in Ubud. She booked the ticket for us.
Now I have the ticket. But have no idea where to stay and which ashram and yoga studio to go. When there’s a will there’s always a way. In the next few days I met many people that gives me recommendation and offering me a place to stay in Ubud. So, I have the ticket, I know which studio to go and I have a license to stay at my friend house in Ubud. Yippiiee !
But still, I’am a bitch. I want to spent some bitching time before my spiritual and healing time
*****
Wherever I go, I will take the painting of Rino with me. This painting is more than just a paper with an ugly color. This painting is like my 2nd soul, my healer, my wedding ring. Something that I will look at when my heart broken, when I feel the loneliness comes and burn my tears. Something I will talk to when I need to release the pain so can feel that Rino is there for me.
This time I decided not to take the painting with me. I’m coming to bali not only for healing my soul but also to be disattached from everything related to Rino. I want to burn this love and heal my heart. When I came back from bali, I want to be more energetic, motivated and disconnected from Rino.
I want to move on and do not look back.
*****
I remember when first time I came to bali in the end of January, tryin to spent bitching time thru blind date with a swedish guy. Think it would be fun to spent few days with him before I start my yoga time. We spent few weeks flirting and talking over the phone. But as Ani Himawati told me, the impression thru the phone might be different in reality. For this case, I’ts quite true.
Heart will never lies. This guy waiting for me when I arrived in bali. And somehow I lost the excitement in the same time. I need few hours to play hide and seek around the airport to decide wether I have to meet him or not. Somehow, it’s a sign that It won’t working. i tell him that I’m wearing black jeans and red shirt but did’nt tell him that I’m wearing a jacket. So I following him in confusion searching me. Then I leave him in the crowd to have a cup of coffee in the corner. Because of my poor rationale and feels it would be bad to make somebody waiting in vain, I finally text him and tell where I’am. He came and we had a fun and sexy conversation.
We spent one nite in kuta. The next day, I still expecting it would be fun. Goin thru breakfast and conversation. Well, it’s nice. But the fact that he refuse to use condom makes me sick. I can not continue this, I said to myself. So, that day I decided to leave. I ask him to drop me somewhere in seminyak. All plan cancelled.
*****
So, here I’am in seminyak in warung Ocha. Waiting for somebody else to come and pick me up. Another guy in my list.
I meet him last december in Yogyakarta. we spent a week of glorious sex. Luckily, he’s in Bali at the moment. I sent him message before I came to Bali, an invitation to my bed and spent one or two nights repeated the sex. Yeah, I have to say that i‘m sexually attached to him. And if there’s any chance I won’t regret to repeat it again and again.
But this is not the situation that I expected. In the contrary, I’m the one who will occupied his bed. He supposed to be my second bitching time, not an emergency bitching escape.
He showed up in the afternoon. And I’m so happy to see him again. It’s been more than a month but he as warm as before, and I don’t feel any nervous or doubts. So relax and open to him. I told him what happen about my blind date and somehow I have no plan for the next few days before I leave to Ubud.
So we heading to his place in sanur. And Yes !! in the next few days I had an outrageous sex and uncounted orgasm. Love it!
*****
February 1st, Deby arrived in Bali. She stay with Rachma. We met in one afternoon. As she a good friend of mine in the last 11 years, she recognizing the bright eyes and smiling face of mine. We had an argument. She insist that I’m fallin in love while I’m insist that the smiling face comes from regular orgasms. Too much oxytocin makes me happy, calm and shining. Some people recognize it as fallin in love while to me is not more than biochemical process. To her, fallin in love is a bad sign when we supposed to spent our holiday together.
Yes, we had fight and she decided to go back to Jogja earlier. In the end, I’m heading to Ubud by myself. She might forgot, even it was great sex but I would’nt break my plan for Ubud which is my main destination in Bali.
Nevermind. It was’nt our first arguments. Like a sister, we hate and yelling each other but love is always there in the heart.
To be continued…
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